I have serious trust issues. If I am going somewhere with other people, I insist on driving my own car. I struggle with surprises of any kind unless I am on the planning side of the equation. I share my deepest hurts with a very select group of people. And I am most comfortable when I can keep the majority of the world at arm’s length (or ideally much more) despite my surface smile and boisterous laughter. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, and frankly, I’m comfortable with those boundaries.
The problem that I face is that my trust issues have a terrible tendency of extending to my comfort with the unknown plans of the Universe. Although I feel an extreme aversion to pushing my faith on others (unless you share my bed or carry 50% of my genes and then you are going to get an earful regularly), I don’t question the existence of God (Holy Trinity / Divine Spirit / Universe / Higher Power / Your Preferred Term Here). Divine plans have consistently blown my own ideas out of the water despite my incessant trepidation, and I have always been cared for even in the darkest of times. I know that there is no need to worry about what will happen in my life.
Yet I do worry. Constantly.
I question what will happen next. What move I should make. What plans I should follow. What direction I should go.
I constantly seek control of this spiritual experience we refer to as being human. A huge part of me recognizes the ironic humor in my futile attempts to control the uncontrollable while the other part fails to recognize the joke. I may aim my ship in one direction or another, yet I will never have any control over the wind that will carry me forward.
Nevertheless, I will find solid ground. Even though I might not be able to read the map of my future, I will be given direction. There is a path for me even though I can’t perceive it at this point in my journey. I have a purpose. A big important and wonderfully special purpose. We all do.
The Universe’s plan for us is not dependent on our willingness to trust that it’s there. However, it sure would make the trip more fun if we could remember to always enjoy the ride, to never forget to take in the scenery, and to be aware of appreciating the smallest of beautiful moments along the way.
Though we may feel like we are hopelessly adrift, we are never lost. We are on the path during each day that we live, and every moment is a new destination waiting to be recognized and adored. You are already where you are supposed to be, and so am I.
Perhaps instead of asking ourselves what our lives will be like once we get to wherever we are going, we need to ask ourselves what we want our lives to be like at this point in the journey right now. The moment is here.
So what’s your next move? What should you be celebrating in your life and in your spirit right now?
Hugs and hope, love and light always. Jo
Life in the Spectrum 
Beautiful thoughts of yours. Most times I do have this feeling that my steps are being ordered by a higher Power. One discovers eventually that you can only do so much after all. Though we will always have our fears and doubts as humans, but as you have rightly said, we are still being cared for, and thus need to be more appreciative and try to make the best out of every situation or moment we happen to find ourselves.
It’s been a while Jo. Still enjoy your posts anytime I show up.😄 Do have a lovely weekend and keep faith alive as always.😘
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Hello my dear friend! I was absolutely thrilled to see your name on my phone this morning. Such a beautiful gift to start my day. I hope that you are doing so very well honey. Big big hugs to you!! Joanna ❤️
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It’s so so nice to hear from you my dear friend, Joanna! It’s such a pleasure to feel once again this lively and warm you. Glad I was one of the things that gave you a bright start today. Similar to how excited I was, writing to you once again. Yes, I’m doing great, and I hope you are doing so so well too. More sunshine to your world, sugar. Bigggg warm hugs and blessings to you and your family always!! Ndifreke 💕
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If you worry, and what you’re worrying about doesn’t happen, you’ve worried for nothing.
If it does happen, you’ve had to live through it twice!
Dear, sensitive and lovely Jo – how I wish we lived closer, and you could take a time out every so often and drop in for a cup of guayusa tea (sweetened with dried stevia and enhanced with fresh maracuya juice) and we exchange thoughts about whatever’s on our minds for that day!
“Though we may feel like we are hopelessly adrift, we are never lost. ” – I certainly wasn’t expecting to be witnessing accelerated destruction of this protected forest when I dropped anchor, but perhaps the winds blew me here so that ‘someone’ would notice, speak up for nature and say, ‘nooooooooo!’
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I believe that we are where we are meant to be even when we feel sad in the moments. There is absolutely a greater good coursing through all around us. It’s just nice when it gets to course through more trees! But we keep trying and hoping. Always. ❤️ Big hugs to you lovebug! Jo
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A thoughtful and thought provoking post, Jo. Funny enough, I was sitting here drinking my (3rd cup of) coffee and reading Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is” because I’ve had some major nonsense going on in my life and needed to recenter. (Your next post on meditation rang so true because my squirrelly brain refuses to settle when I most need it to.)
Anyway, the guiding premise is what is, is. The only time we suffer is when we argue with reality — and boy, is that true for me. I find it’s helped me with the whole worrying thing, too.
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I adore Byron Katie and appreciate your bringing that name up again. It’s a good reminder to me to return to some of those works I have parked in e-dust on my Kindle. You and I sound like we are in the same boat. We know that life will be fine but we manage to trip all over our own mental and spiritual feet regardless. I have faith that we will figure it out eventually. Sadly we will then forget it a few minutes later but that’s the ocean we apparently opted to sail. 🙂
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Another wonderfully written post. We are all headed to the top of the mountain, the way that we get there does not matter. It is only important to enjoy the view on the way up. 🙏😊
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(even when we go rolling down a bit every now and then!) 😉
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Miss steps will do that.🙏😊
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