One Minute Challenge and Hours of Anxiety

dragonfly tree - IG

A friend sent me a link for a photography contest. Although I’m the noobiest of photography noobs, I couldn’t resist checking it out. Upon looking at the rules, I noticed that one of the requirements was submitting a one minute video about yourself. So I thought about it. One minute to describe myself. One minute to sell my purpose and my vision. One minute to catch somebody’s attention and show them what I have to bring to the artistic table.

And the mere contemplation of the idea of trying to convey any of those elements absolutely terrified me.

I know what I love and what I enjoy. I recognize what I dream of for my family and what I wish for in my life. But I feel like I am hovering between two realities – a split personality with dramatically different approaches at life.

There’s the practical pay the bills get the job done persona, but there’s also the artist dreamer wisher side as well. It’s as if the left and right sides of my brain have taken up arms against each other and neither is willing to back down.

So when I have to think about sharing who I am and what I want, I feel deeply conflicted. It’s a question of what I should and have to do versus what I want and whom I wish to be.

I want both worlds, and I am both of those personalities. I just don’t know if one side ultimately has to win out over the other. In the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum, life finds a way.

For now I can tell you that I have such great anxiety at the mere thought of making a video that my neck and chest are literally covered in hives. Maybe I should just start with finding a nice oversized scarf to mummify my torso in and then go from there.

Serenity now. Serenity now…

πŸ˜‰Β  Jo

9 thoughts on “One Minute Challenge and Hours of Anxiety

    1. I think you’re right. It’s a million miles out of my comfort zone and terrifies me. It’s like an invisible line that I’m afraid to cross, but in a way, it also feels like the universe asking, “Well? Are you brave enough?” I don’t back down from challenges easily so it will be interesting to see what happens. πŸ˜‰

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    1. Thank you love. We definitely need to be willing to put ourselves out there and to try new things. I feel like I am being bombarded with a zillion new artistic adventures. It’s rather unnerving but it’s also fun and exciting all at the same time. ❀️

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  1. I remember the first time I was to speak to an audience (as a Gardening Artist) I thought, “These people are here because they seem to think that I have something worthy to share with them; I’d best not disappoint them!” It went well. Years later I spoke to a much-larger audience on the American Queen as “An artist turned Innkeeper” – and that too went well. Yes, I was nervous, but later one person came up to me and stated, “You deserve a much-larger audience.” That helped w/future ‘performances.’ I can step up and ‘perform’ for a short period – but I am much happier with conversations with only a few people…

    I suspect that you will also look back and recall those first attempts and then marvel at how your self confidence improved – with practice!

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    1. My challenge is more about trying to figure out how to be honest about who I am and what I want with the minute limitation. I’m not even worried about what they will think about it. My anxiety is about being honest with myself. I’m sure that you have felt that tipping point in your life as well and completely understand how it feels to be staring at a path that is exciting yet terrifying . Change isn’t just in the air. It’s in every molecule around you to the point that it is tangible. I’m so rattled yet so hungry for it, too. Your journey always inspires me to maintain the faith that the stairs will continue to reveal themselves. I just need to keep taking steps and not worry about where they are leading. ☺️

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      1. Your awakening is ‘earlier’ than mine was; on retrospect, I was so busy trying to please everyone else, and caught up in juggling way too many balls/being supermom/superwife/superneighbor that I negleced my own needs. My quiet time was at the end of the day in a soaking hot bath… Gardening was important, and even cooking was an easy way to ‘ground’ myself! Once upon a time when speaking to those groups as a Gardening Artist, I realized that most everyone who loved to garden also loved to cook – and most were able to draw/paint – iand if not, they were easy to teach. It’s that ‘working with one’s hands’ comfort – or maybe it’s a way to stay in touch with our inner self.
        I’m very grateful for my early hard-working years, as now I can reap every minute from every day and allow ‘what the day has planned for me’ instead of what i have planned for the day!

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