Feeling Lost – Destination Unknown

balloon - IG

I have serious trust issues. If I am going somewhere with other people, I insist on driving my own car. I struggle with surprises of any kind unless I am on the planning side of the equation. I share my deepest hurts with a very select group of people. And I am most comfortable when I can keep the majority of the world at arm’s length (or ideally much more) despite my surface smile and boisterous laughter. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, and frankly, I’m comfortable with those boundaries.

The problem that I face is that my trust issues have a terrible tendency of extending to my comfort with the unknown plans of the Universe. Although I feel an extreme aversion to pushing my faith on others (unless you share my bed or carry 50% of my genes and then you are going to get an earful regularly), I don’t question the existence of God (Holy Trinity / Divine Spirit / Universe / Higher Power / Your Preferred Term Here). Divine plans have consistently blown my own ideas out of the water despite my incessant trepidation, and I have always been cared for even in the darkest of times. I know that there is no need to worry about what will happen in my life.

Yet I do worry. Constantly.

I question what will happen next. What move I should make. What plans I should follow. What direction I should go.

I constantly seek control of this spiritual experience we refer to as being human. A huge part of me recognizes the ironic humor in my futile attempts to control the uncontrollable while the other part fails to recognize the joke. I may aim my ship in one direction or another, yet I will never have any control over the wind that will carry me forward.

Nevertheless, I will find solid ground. Even though I might not be able to read the map of my future, I will be given direction. There is a path for me even though I can’t perceive it at this point in my journey. I have a purpose. A big important and wonderfully special purpose. We all do.

The Universe’s plan for us is not dependent on our willingness to trust that it’s there. However, it sure would make the trip more fun if we could remember to always enjoy the ride, to never forget to take in the scenery, and to be aware of appreciating the smallest of beautiful moments along the way.

Though we may feel like we are hopelessly adrift, we are never lost. We are on the path during each day that we live, and every moment is a new destination waiting to be recognized and adored. You are already where you are supposed to be, and so am I.

Perhaps instead of asking ourselves what our lives will be like once we get to wherever we are going, we need to ask ourselves what we want our lives to be like at this point in the journey right now. The moment is here.

So what’s your next move? What should you be celebrating in your life and in your spirit right now?

Hugs and hope, love and light always.  Jo

Continuing to Live When the Life You’ve Planned is Lost

sand castle - bandw

You are going to spend your entire life with this person. Be able to hold this job. Live happily in this town. Recognize that these friends are kind and honest. Understand that the world may be a fickle place, but some certainties are unshakable.

Until they crumble before your eyes and there isn’t anything you can do to stop that from happening.

I have walked that road many times. Obtaining a dream job only to find that it was a total disaster (perhaps you have heard of Enron?). Moving to houses that were financial pitfalls. Learning that some people will go after you with no cause beyond simply bringing you into their world of misery. Being faced with devastating hurts in friendships. Recovering from the loss of trust in relationships. Facing the heartbreak of infertility and miscarriage.

When moments like this happen, our course of life forever changes. We once knew that our journey was going to include those places and those people, but an instant later, everything changes and those certainties that we maintained with unwavering faith vanish before our eyes.

When this happens, life can seem heart-wrenching and terrifying. We move from grief to rage to denial to total shut down. Maybe you go in a different order on those responses, but those reactions are common when life plans are obliterated.

However if we can continue breathing (and you can do this – I promise you it’s worth it), we will begin to heal. The plans that we had once believed to be set in stone were just a prelude to the real story that was yet to be revealed. When you lose these parts of your life, you will be led to alternate scenes, new characters, and completely different adventures that could not have occurred in the previous setup. Your foundation isn’t shaken but rather strengthened by these trials. While we likely would never want to repeat those painful experiences, time often proves that we can be better for having gone through them.

In this moment, I am so very sorry if you are in this place in your life and hurting within your soul. I wish with all of my heart that the pain would disappear and that the memory of this moment would go with it. Healing takes time, but you can survive it. Just keep breathing and keep going. Give hope a chance and let faith do its thing.

Your story is still unfolding and the best chapters are yet to come.

Much love to you always.  Jo

***Thank you Janie at https://authentically50.wordpress.com/2018/06/27/7-day-bw-photo-challenge-day-four/ for tagging me to participate in the 7 Day Black & White Photo Challenge. The rules are straightforward. Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.

I am tagging Shalini (a.k.a. Fablini) at https://bookreviewsbyshalini.wordpress.com/ for day 2 of the challenge. The post attached to this link is a beautiful poem that Shalini wrote a couple of weeks ago. She is a rockstar of a reader and reviewer, but I believe that she also has a book in her just waiting to be written, too. 🙂

As always, please know that anyone who is tagged should feel zero pressure from me regarding actual participation. Although I would always love to see your photos and read your posts, I fully understand that we already have plenty on our to do lists. Participate if you would like. Don’t if you would rather not. No worries either way. Just know that I was thinking of you. Much love! 🙂