One Minute Challenge and Hours of Anxiety

dragonfly tree - IG

A friend sent me a link for a photography contest. Although I’m the noobiest of photography noobs, I couldn’t resist checking it out. Upon looking at the rules, I noticed that one of the requirements was submitting a one minute video about yourself. So I thought about it. One minute to describe myself. One minute to sell my purpose and my vision. One minute to catch somebody’s attention and show them what I have to bring to the artistic table.

And the mere contemplation of the idea of trying to convey any of those elements absolutely terrified me.

I know what I love and what I enjoy. I recognize what I dream of for my family and what I wish for in my life. But I feel like I am hovering between two realities – a split personality with dramatically different approaches at life.

There’s the practical pay the bills get the job done persona, but there’s also the artist dreamer wisher side as well. It’s as if the left and right sides of my brain have taken up arms against each other and neither is willing to back down.

So when I have to think about sharing who I am and what I want, I feel deeply conflicted. It’s a question of what I should and have to do versus what I want and whom I wish to be.

I want both worlds, and I am both of those personalities. I just don’t know if one side ultimately has to win out over the other. In the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum, life finds a way.

For now I can tell you that I have such great anxiety at the mere thought of making a video that my neck and chest are literally covered in hives. Maybe I should just start with finding a nice oversized scarf to mummify my torso in and then go from there.

Serenity now. Serenity now…

😉  Jo